


Lavender

by ZoeyMcRoyan



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 05:02:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6501766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeyMcRoyan/pseuds/ZoeyMcRoyan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes a scent of lavender is enough to keep tragedy at by and change a life...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let’s drive until we can see lavender and smell it

**Author's Note:**

> First of all the usual: The characters are not mine, they belong to J.R.R. Tolkien.  
> The story so is mine…  
> The whole thing is inspirited by a song called Welt hinter Glas by Max Mutzke (World behind glass). For those who are interested I place the Lyrics with the English translation at the end and I found a wonderful unplugged version on you-tube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBE2tZE7eS0
> 
> One more thing is to say: my lovely beta- readers/ friends are pretty busy in the moment so I have no one right no to check the texts. I did my best to find most of my errors, but for once I’m no naïve speaker and second I have dyslexia. So please forgive me for more mistakes than you are probably used too in a fic and feel free to tell me were they are, I opriciate it!
> 
> I hope you like it! Have fun!

Lavender

I left my office early today, a thing I have never done before. Duty always came first, for nearly my entire life. There was no day I had called in sick, there had be no holydays and I was always available 24/7, but today it was enough!  
Couldn’t bare this life I never wanted anymore. I felt like a bird trapped in cages of glass and steal. I’m not sure if I’m still able to fly?  
It feels like weeks that I had felt the sun for the last time on my skin. I take of my jacket, get rid of my tie and roll the sleeves of my shirt up.  
It is summer with a bright blue sky. Everyone looks so cheerful, carefree and happy, it’s intoxicating.  
I’m walking though the little park in my neighbourhood. Birds are singing and children are playing. It is the first time in years that I can see the beauty around me. It is after so long that I have a tingling in my fingers to take pictures. I start to see motives and compositions. I start to change my angle to see a tree and some bushes just in the right light.  
It is in no way sufficient but I take out my mobile and start to take pictures. It feels incredible. Yes I can still fly!  
Something cracks inside me, it is the cage I built up around myself to function in a world I never wanted to belong to. The other one is still there but he is rapidly fading in the bright sunlight and the joy.  
Right now there is no tomorrow, just the here and now.  
The phone is clicking and clicking, picture after picture. I’m calm now; the brutal fear that had held me in a tight grip for weeks now is draining away with every click, with every taken picture. I have the feeling the colours are coming back to me, taking over the flat black and white of my existence.  
There is music. I turn in the direction to find a young woman with a guitar sitting on the wall to the park, playing and singing.  
She has her eyes closed and is absorbed in her music. She is no classic beauty, but none the less does she look beautiful, full of life, hopes and dreams, just being herself, one with her music, with her creation.  
I stop and I’m listening and now another older box cracks. I’m not sure if I can handle this right now. Fear is building in the pit of my stomach, heart racing, but I have no choice, the damage is already done, there is no way back. And I don’t want it! I want to be whole again!  
The soft string of the guitar makes my finger itch; I can feel how they remember to form the notes. I have to close my eyes; the music is going straight to my heart. I can distantly feeling my fingers move. Well I’m playing along in my mind. How often had I done that in a time I had been relatively free? I have never been totally free, I always had to be the responsible one and my way was always there set in stone. There had never been a question if I wanted to take it; it has been always a matter of time, how much of the relative freedom they would grant me.  
The young woman is still playing and suddenly I have a voice in my head singing with joy and happiness, his brown eyes bright and sparkling. Oh, Kili! My dear brother where are you? I miss you so much! And I’m so glad that you had the courage to leave! My heart is still breaking that I lost contact with you but to imagen you at my place, in my life that would break me. To see your joyful self disappear under all what is expected, I would have never let them do it to you, never! Oh brother, I hope you are well and found all the joy life can offer, with you wonderful girlfriend. Is she your wife now?  
Time had been flying by. So many years had I endured, fought for the family- company to prosper and what now? I have lost myself. When I looked in the mirror a few hours ago I had seen a stranger, an old man worn out by life. It had scared me. I’m not old! For a man in my business and position I’m actually quite young.  
I had turned and stood for a long time at my window, high above the city, far away from life, excluded from it and I felt alone so alone.  
I saw a bird passing by in the distance and I wanted to fly with it and if it were just for seconds, I just wanted that dull existence to end. I had already opened the window. I don’t know where it had come from, but a scent of lavender hit my nose.  
It changed everything! Yes I needed to get away but I wanted to live!  
I’m quietly laughing to myself; yes it’s a new life.  
The young woman starts to sing. She has a wonderful voice but it’s not what I need right now. I wish I could hear my brother sing and play along with him on my guitar.  
I will do that on day, I promise myself; I will find him and play with him again.  
My heart is lighter now. I wonder of and I notice that I’m hungry. There is a cosy café just around the corner. I’m surprised, I have never noticed it. Years ago I knew so many cosy places to sit and just watch the people coming and going, me reading or writing a song.  
The café has a few tables outside and I’m lucky to find a free one. I order myself a coffee and a toasted sandwich. I’m sitting back watching the people passing by, they look happy, the sun always makes the people happy. It draws a cheerful smile on their faces and I can feel my lips rising into a smile too.  
On the table stands a little pot with flowers, it is lavender. I lean forward to smell it. Yes it is the odour of freedom.  
I plug out my wallet, searching for a faded photo. I’m caring it with me for years now but I haven’t looked at it for way to long. It had been too hurtful; I couldn’t bring myself to remember what I had lost.  
But now, it still hurts but it feels good to remember. It had been one of the happiest days in my life. We had jumped into my car and driven the whole night. It was one of the things I would just do for you, with you I felt free and so alive. I have never been more creative and productive ever. You always encouraged me and together we just had the best ideas.  
We were just sitting together talking about dreams and you told me that you would love to see the lavender fields and paint them. You were so excited about it. Your eyes shining and bright, just the same colour as lavender. How could I have resisted giving it to you?  
So we just grabbed some things, you, you painting utensils, I packed my camera and we drove the whole night, talking over everything and nothing.  
In the first light of dawn the whole beauty of the blossoming fields enrolled around us. It was then that I took my most precious photo. You laughing full of joy in the first light of the day in the middle of a lavender field.  
I’m smiling wistfully now. I grab a paper and a pen out of my bag and start writing. I’m not really thinking about it, it just flows.  
How could I ever let go? Yes I know we both had our responsibilities and you were never accepted in my world. But that is not really a reason it’s an excuse. I had been a coward! You had been in no position to choose, but I had and I did what was expected from me. It was the greatest mistake of my life!  
I’m closing my eyes. I can see you in front of me, your open cheerful smile only a few people ever saw and you granted me so generously with. Your eyes laughing and sparkling in that extraordinary colour of yours. I loved you, I loved you so much… and I still do love you. I think I will never stop loving you!  
My heart is aching, but I feel better than for years. It had been a decision in split second but It had been the right one, maybe too late for the things already lost but just in time to save what was left of me.  
I’m still looking at the picture letting the memories of that carefree day wash over me and I’m happy.  
It is nearly dark now. The streetlights going on and the crowd has changed. Now there are groups of friends and couples going out to have dinner but they are still smiling and having a good time. The warmth of the summer is still lingering and even here in this city there is a feeling of a Mediterranean way of life. 

I’m about to order myself a glass of red wine, when I spot someone. He looks so familiar. That can’t be! The person I have spotted chats with the waitress, they seem to know each other. He has a bag and a huge case with him. The case is obviously for pictures and paintings.  
My heart is racing now. It can’t be him! But how can someone look so alike him? “Ori?” I’m asking out loud and the young man turns. First looking confused and then a brought smile spreads over his face his lavender eyes sparkling. “Fili!” his voice surprised and happy. He comes over and I stand up to greet him. My knees are feeling like giving away any moment.  
I’m not thinking, my mouth just works on its own: “Let’s drive until we can see lavender and smell it!” He is surprised and laughs but nods: “Let’s go!” I’m grabbing my thinks and we run off until we can see lavender and smell it!


	2. driving in silence, eating the croissants and sipping coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a new day, a fresh start?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I still have no beta- reader in the moment. Please feel free to point things out, so that I can correct them, Thank you. As soon as I have the beta read versions, I'm going to put them in. Until than I hope you have fun with this versions too. Hope you enjoy. 
> 
> The inspiration for this chapter is the still the song Welt hinter Glas /World behind glass by Max Mutzke (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBE2tZE7eS0)

It is dark outside. I’m sitting in a car and see the landscape passing by. The city is long behind us. Every once in a while we pass by some lights from the street, other cars or a house.   
This time of night is called the dark hour and it fits. The night sky is black but now it is full of stars, bright and brilliant and no light- pollution obscuring them. I’m not sure when the last time was, that I have seen a clear heaven of starlight. 

We are driving for quite a while now, no one is saying a word, but the silence is not uncomfortable. We are both deep in our own thoughts, neither ready to talk. Fili is glancing over to me once in a while, a small tender smile on his lips.   
He is still the stunning beautiful man I knew, but he looks tired. He doesn’t have that radiating liveliness around him anymore. It feels like he is warren out, a deep sadness is lingering around. The last years hadn’t been gentle to him. 

As further we drive, it seems the weight on his shoulders is lifting more and more. His features are softening and his eyes are less and less haunted.   
I’m asking myself again what had happened to him. It had been years that we had seen each other and I have no idea where we are standing now but I can’t resist the urge to lay my hand over his at the gear shift and squeeze gently. I can hear his shuddering breath but he isn’t pulling his hand away, instead he strokes gently with his thump alongside my hand.   
Butterflies are erupting in my belly. The connection we once had is still there. Will it be enough for a new start?   
It had broken my heart when I left him behind, but I would do it again in that situation without any doubt. I had to take care of my mother. It nearly broke me to lose him but she needed me more. It doesn’t change the fact that I wish that there had been another solution. I would have given nearly everything for it. But life sometimes isn’t just fair.   
I’m closing my eyes, while memories are flying through my mind. It wasn’t always rose-red with harps and angels singing but it was real. It was like we against the world and the world couldn’t get in our way. Yes it had been the best time in my life. Never had I expected that the upper class, gorgeous business student would ever notice me but far from it. One day he came over to the tree I was sitting under, sketching, asking me if I minded if he sits down with me. It caught me really by surprise to find my prejudices to be totally wrong. He was no upper class snob, thinking from himself a something prior to others, instead I found a quiet and sensible young man who loved art as much as I do but wasn’t allowed to indulge fully in it.   
That day we talked for hours, without noticing how the time passed. When the light faded and I couldn’t see enough for drawing anymore we first noticed. We both laughed and met right away the next day. From that day we were kind of inseparable. I have never been so creative and productive in my life again than in this time. 

I can hear Fili humming quietly. He has a song in his head and it is slowly coming together. In the beginning his voice is a bit rough like he hasn’t used it for a long time but after a while it is the deep clear sound I remember and which I love so much. 

I think I have dozed off. When I’m opening my eyes, I cans see the eluminated petrol station. Fili is outside refuelling the car, giving me a smile when he notices that I’m awake again.   
As he returns from the cash point, he is carrying two paper cups and a paper bag. Opening the door, he wishes me a good morning, handing me the bag and a cup, smiling warmly.   
The cup is filled with milky coffee and I can smell a light sent of vanilla. A warm feeling is spreading though me my heart lightening. “You remembered?” is aske softly, smiling. “How could, I forget? Sweet coffee for my sweet Ori.”   
He obviously hadn’t been thinking what he was saying, because he is blushing. And in this moment he looks so young and so much like the man I had fallen for all this years. A quiet chuckle escapes my mouth and I’m lightly stroking over his cheek. 

Dawn isn’t far anymore. The sky is now dark blue and lightens with the minute. We are driving again in silence, eating the croissants and sipping coffee. Every once in a while our gazes are meeting, we need to talk soon. There are so many things untold between us, but not now. Just this moment only the here and now counts, the decisions for the future have to wait jet a little longer. 

In the slowly upcoming light, I can see the shapes of endless fields and a windmill.   
Fili pulls over into a small drive way and stops the car. When he opens the door the fresh scent of lavender fills our noses.   
Just when we both step out of the car does the sun reaches the horizon, bathing the fields around us in golden unearthly beauty.   
I’m walking around the car, taking his hand. “This time you are coming with me!” A bright smile is my answer. 

We are walking into the fields together, enveloped in the scent of lavender and the outstanding beauty of this summer morning.   
“I don’t have my camera with me,” Fili says a small hint of regret in his eyes. “This will have to do, than.” He gets out his cell phone and we are moving closer together, trying to capture our faces and the beauty behind us. The phone clicks, but we are not moving apart. On impulse I’m turning, pressing my lips tenderly to his, just in the moment when the phone clicks anew.   
The first moment Fili is surprised, but then he kisses back. A small thump is heard when the phone hits the ground as Fili pulls me close. He is holding on for dear life. I can feel tears streaming down his face, but his kisses are tender and soft. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” he whispers and kisses me again.   
Yes we need to talk, but for now I’m holding him, stroking his hair. He is calming down. I’m kissing again and again and in every kiss lay the promise that I will never leave him again. 

End

**Author's Note:**

> Welt hinter Glas Lyrics
> 
>  
> 
> Bitte lass mich noch ein bisschen fahr'n  
> Bis wir das Meer seh'n (und riechen)  
> Du weißt wie schön es ist, wenn wir uns morgen früh  
> Den ersten Kuss am Strand geben, mmh  
> Es ist schon lange dunkel draußen,  
> Die Scheiben sind angelaufen  
> Und du schläfst schon  
> Ich kann mich kaum konzentrier'n,  
> Weil du so schön aussiehst  
> Mit deinem Kopf auf meinem Schoß.
> 
> Die Welt hinter Glas  
> Die Route gecheckt  
> Der Himmel noch schwarz  
> So still und perfekt  
> Und ich bleibe wach, ooh, ooh, ooh  
> Ich geb auf dich Acht, ooh, ooh, ooh
> 
> Die Welt hinter Glas  
> Die Route gecheckt  
> Der Himmel noch schwarz  
> So still und perfekt  
> Wir mittendrin, ooh, ooh, ooh  
> Und ich bring uns hin, ooh, ooh, ooh
> 
> Wir treten Sand von unseren Füßen  
> Und fahren weiter  
> Bis wir endlich Lavendel seh'n (und riechen)  
> Als Proviant haben wir Croissants, Musik  
> Und all die Bilder von gestern dabei.  
> Komm dreh noch mal die Kasette  
> Und wir tun so als hätten wir sie noch nie gehört, yeah  
> Ich fühl mich frei und doch zuhause mit dir  
> Und du bist auch so unbeschreiblich, mmh
> 
> Die Welt hinter Glas  
> Die Route gecheckt  
> Der Himmel noch schwarz  
> So still und perfekt  
> Und ich bleibe wach, ooh, ooh, ooh  
> Ich geb auf dich Acht, ooh, ooh, ooh
> 
> Die Welt hinter Glas  
> Die Route gecheckt  
> Der Himmel noch schwarz  
> So still und perfekt  
> Wir mittendrin, ooh, ooh, ooh  
> Und ich bring uns hin, ooh, ooh, ooh
> 
> Ging's nach mir, blieb ich mit dir hier  
> Und ging's nach dir, bliebst du mit mir hier  
> Und ging's nach mir, blieb ich mit dir hier  
> Und ging's nach dir, bliebst du mit mir hier
> 
> Die Welt hinter Glas  
> Die Route gecheckt  
> Der Himmel noch schwarz, yeah  
> So still und perfekt, ooh  
> Und ich bleibe wach, ooh, ooh, ooh  
> Ich geb auf dich Acht, ooh, ooh, ooh
> 
> Die Welt hinter Glas  
> Die Route gecheckt  
> Der Himmel noch schwarz  
> Und so still und perfekt, ooh  
> Wir mittendrin, ooh ooh ooh  
> Und ich bring uns hin, ooh, ooh, ooh
> 
> Ich bring uns, ich bring uns hin, ooh  
> Ich bring uns hin yeah, ich bring uns hin,  
> Ooh, ooh, yeah, ich bring uns hin  
> Ooh, ooh, ooh  
> Ooh, ooh, ooh  
> Ooh, ooh, ooh  
> Ooh, und ich bring uns hin
> 
>  
> 
> World behind glass
> 
>  
> 
> please let me keep on driving  
> until we can see the see (and smell it)  
> You know how wonderful it is to kiss you  
> first thing in the morning at the beach, mmh  
> It is dark outside for a long time now  
> The widows are fogged  
> And you are already sleeping  
> I can barely focus  
> Because you are looking so beautiful  
> With you head in my lab
> 
> The world behind glass  
> The route checked  
> The sky still dark  
> So silent and perfect  
> And I stay awake, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh  
> I watch over you, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh
> 
> The world behind glass  
> The route checked  
> The sky still dark  
> So silent and perfect  
> We are in the thick of it, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh  
> And I take us there, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh
> 
> We are kicking sand of our feet  
> And drive on  
> Until we finally see lavender (and smell it)  
> As provision we have croissants, music  
> and all the pictures from yesterday with us.  
> Please turn the tape again  
> And we pretend we have never hearted it before, yeah  
> I’m feeling free and also at home with you  
> And you are also so beautiful, mmh
> 
> The world behind glass  
> The route checked  
> The sky still dark  
> So silent and perfect  
> And I stay awake, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh  
> I watch over you, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh
> 
> The world behind glass  
> The route checked  
> The sky still dark  
> So silent and perfect  
> We are in the thick of it, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh  
> And I take us there, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh
> 
> If I had a say in it I would stay with you here  
> And had you a say in it you would stay with me here  
> And if I had a say in it I would stay with you here  
> And had you a say in it you would stay with me here
> 
> The world behind glass  
> The route checked  
> The sky still dark  
> So silent and perfect  
> And I stay awake, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh  
> I watch over you, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh
> 
> The world behind glass  
> The route checked  
> The sky still dark  
> So silent and perfect  
> We are in the thick of it, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh  
> And I take us there, Ooh, Ooh. Ooh
> 
> I take us there, I take us there, Ooh  
> I take us there, yeah, I take us there,  
> Ooh, ooh, yeah I take us there  
> Ooh, Ooh. Ooh  
> Ooh, Ooh. Ooh  
> Ooh, Ooh. Ooh  
> Ooh, and I take us there
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBE2tZE7eS0


End file.
